To my family and my lovely twin sisters…
Preface
There are many things that inspired my work. One of the main things will be my dorm life. Because my life pattern suddenly changed so much, I felt strange and weary at the first time. There were so many rules that I had to follow, when I did everything that I wanted at home. Also the poor people who were shivering in the streets and the subway stations made me think more about what is was like for them, when we were enjoying the festive month of Christmas. I felt that we were the only ones who could help them. Also the colorful fall leaves scattered on the streets were very inspiring. They made me think more about the beauty of the nature and how amazing plants could be.
My dad inspired my work as well. He told me about the beautiful farm he used to live and how calm and peaceful it was there compared to the busy cities. He also told me about the roosters screeching every morning, louder than an alarm clock. He said instead of the noise of the traffic every morning, he used to hear the animal busy with their work. Eating, grazing, swimming, they all had something to do. He told me about the water mill, and how amazing he thought was when he was a small boy. He would watch it turn over and over for a long time with out getting bored. He loved the sounds of the splashing water the watermill made.
I did my best at the weekends when I was with my family. I felt free and comfortable at home and got many ideas about what to write. My family was a great help for me.
I think the most important thing in a writing process is where you are writing the poem. For me, that affects my poem quite a lot. When I am in a busy place surrounded by people, the poem I wrote there would most likely be lively and enthusiastic. When I was writing with nobody near or in a quiet place, my poems tended to have calmer and serious tone. The surrounding gives me ideas and the topic for my poems. Even people around me just talking about their lives give me ideas. Therefore, I think when I am in a gloomy place, I would write about wishes for hope to come or about my sad situation. When I am in enjoyable places such as party or home, I would write about the joys of life and how beautiful they are.
I also learned a lot this year. Before I came to this writing class, I didn’t even know there were 6 traits the writing was graded. At this semester, we learned about five of them. Before, I only knew about the structure, including the introduction, three body paragraphs, and the conclusion.
The main thing about ideas in writing would be the message that it is trying to say. The message should be clear and focused. It should also be concise and easy to summarize. Before I learned about this, my main topic would be too wide and not concise, therefore hard for the readers to tell what I was trying to say. Now, my message in writing is a lot clearer. Ideas also include an in-depth understanding about the topic. To have a good idea, the writer should know about the topic very well. The main idea should be supported by well-chosen details and should have a strong sense of direction to guide the readers along. At the end, it should answer the readers’ questions thoroughly and well.
Convention is another important trait. It gives the writing a quality. There should be no mistakes with the grammar or punctuations when the writing is completely finished. Also the conventions used in the writing should be used creatively to bring out meaning
or voice. I didn’t know before that creative convention could bring out my voice. After I read a lot of poems, I learned that conventions play a big role on expressing your voice. There should be a wide rage of conventions the writer should control. At the end, the piece should be virtually ready to publish.
Organization of an essay should suite the topic and purpose. The pattern of the organization guides the reader though the piece. The pacing should be perfectly balanced. The writing should never slow down or speed up suddenly. All the issues within the piece should be explored in depth. The transitions, which guide the readers along the piece, should be smooth.
The voice in writing would be individual and appealing for the readers. However, it should be carefully selected to suit the purpose and the audience. Even if it was appealing for the readers, if it doesn’t suit the audience, it would be inappropriate. If the piece has a good voice, the readers will feel compelled to share it aloud. Honest and passionate but still restrained, the voice should be confident and filled with curiosity or enthusiasm. Because of this, the readers feel engaged.
We didn’t learn much about word choices, but I learned that the language should suit the writer’s purpose and the audience. The words should be lively and original which is attractive for the readers. It gives them a clear imagery. Too much exaggeration might lead the readers to misunderstanding, and too simple word makes the reader bored. Therefore, there should be a balance between the two.
Before I learned about these traits, my writing used to have no audience at all and was organized very roughly. My voice wasn’t clear and focused at all. Overall, my writing was hard to summarize because it wasn’t precise.
Now, my writing shows a clear purpose and also has a clear voice. It usually gives a clear image for the readers and the creative conventions (I didn’t even know what these were!) sometimes bring out meaning or voice.
Birthday Cake (concrete poem)…………………………………………………….pg.5
Peer Assessment……………………………………………………………………pg.5A
Farm (sound poem)……………………………….………………………………….pg.6
Peer Assessment……………………………………………………………………pg.6A
Trapped Freedom (autobiographical/narrative poem-Two Rooms)………………….pg.7
Self Assessment…………………………………………………………………….pg.7A
How to Love Gardening (process poem)……………………………………………pg.8
Self Assessment…………………………………………………………………….pg.8A
Christmas (villanelle)………………………………………………..……………...pg.9
Self Assessment………………………………………………………………...…..pg.9A
Birthday Cake
bright
light
shimmering
gleaming, brilliant
sparkling, shiny
glistening
light
a
candle
sticky
long
melting
dripping
pink
red
striped
candle
creamy, milky, buttery, smooth, soft, lush, sweet, delightful
bread, warm-from-the-oven, spongy, cushiony, scented
strawberry jam, fresh , tasty, yummy, sugary, fragrant, savory
pleasant, happy, joyful, thrilled, glad, jubilant, favorable
my mom’s special strawberry cake waiting for me to take a big bite
cheerfully celebrating the lucky lucky day I was born
blowing the candles I make a wish
my heart beats fast
excited to be a year older
Every second I feel an inch taller
Farm
The sounds of the dogs
Barking, yipping, howling
Calling each other
On a moonlit night
Dawn comes with the rooster,
Screeching at the top of its voice
Making the whole farm
Rattle from the echo.
The awakened farm is busy with shouts and noises
The cats meow, napping in the warm sunshine
The pigs oink, oink, gorging on their food
The ducks quack, quack, returning to their nests
All day, the water mill turns,
Slashing, sloshing, plashing,
Listening to the sounds
The busy farm is making
Trapped Freedom
I live in a doorway between two rooms.
One is a room filled with restrictions
Not even a fly buzzing in there after 7:45
I walk cautiously with purposeful steps
Scared of the rules chasing me
Frightened at the thought of those rules spying on me
I’m careful not to trip when I run down the stairs
Silently sweeping past, not to be heard by those rules
I peak in to the other room
To hear laughter and shouts until late morning
Lazy footsteps to prepare family brunch
TV turned on, its loud speakers banging to the ceiling
I ignore the glares all the rules are giving me
For I know it will be long before those obsessed rules
Track me down
In my sanctuary, my hiding place.
Self Assessment
My poem “Trapped Freedom” is comparing my dorm life to my home life. The main idea of this poem is very clear and focused. It is very easy to summarize. The poem reveals very descriptively what I personally think about the rules, so it shows a good understanding about the topic. The main idea and the thesis are well defined and easy to identify, giving the piece a strong sense of direction. The details it is using to describe two completely different situations are carefully selected and are not too obvious. The personifications used to describe the rules are an interesting perspective for the readers.
There seems to be no grammar or punctuation mistakes. Some of the conventions even bring out some meaning. For example, a comma at the last sentence brings a pause, making the sentence feel relaxed free from the rules. The conventions are not widely ranged, mainly because there wasn’t much need for many conventions.
The organization pattern suits the topic and the purpose very well. The two stanzas seem to represent the two rooms. The structure definitely guides the readers through the piece and presents the main ideas. Elements in each stanza are creatively arranged to promoted understanding. Especially when it says, “I peak in to the other room”, you really feel like sneaking to the next stanza, or room. Pacing is just right for the readers to follow. It doesn’t slow down nor speed up suddenly. Although there weren’t much transitions used in this poem, the sentences flow smoothly, clearly connecting sentences and ideas. The opening is fairly attracting, and the ending sounds satisfying.
The poem is individual and very appealing. I felt compelled to share it aloud. The piece is very honest about my feelings towards the rules. It sounds passionate and confident. My knowledge about this topic definitely creates a confident voice. Because the poem is enthusiastic and rouses the reader’s curiosity, the readers feel engaged to it. Some of them might feel the same way about restrictions we have in our life. However, the audience of this piece can be more specific.
The poem is clear and striking. It is very original and precise. It explains about a special situation which I am in. The language perfectly suits my purpose and audience. Phrases used to describe about the rules are lively and energetic. The personifications used to describe the rules give the readers a clear imagery. For example, “the rules spying on me” at the 1st stanza clearly shows how I feel about the rules.
Lastly, the poem has very special perspectives to look at the rules. It is attracting and appealing for the readers. Honesty and passion is presented well.
How to love Gardening
Sunshine shimmering
Warm breeze blowing
The time for plants to bloom is coming
Patting the tiny seeds in your hand
Whisper softly a word of encouragement
Gently put your seeds to sleep
Under a soft blanket of the earth
Listen to them talking
Excited about the time to come
To boast their beautiful faces
Among the others
Sprinkling, watering,
The tiny seeds eagerly drink water
Reaching for the sunshine right above
When the time comes for blooming
The flowers will appear,
Their faces held high
They will greet you with excited smiles
And as you walk with them
You’ll be surprised that they used to be
Only the tiny seeds
You held warmly in your hands.
Self Assessment
The process poem I wrote “How to Love Gardening” has many creative ideas in it. First, the message that it is trying to say is clear and focused. It shows an in-depth understanding of the topic by the descriptions about the process in which the seeds are growing. However, the main topic may not be easy to identify. Because of this, it doesn’t give the poem a strong sense of direction, leading the reader along. The details the poem is using explain about each step without too obvious details. Also, they are numerous and were searched to use them. The conclusion closes the story without too much exaggerating, making the end satisfactory and easy for readers to understand.
There aren’t many mistakes with the punctuations. Commas and periods can be added in some places, but the poem still sounds good without them. The commas used at the fourth and the fifth stanzas are used well and correctly. It gives a pause to the sentences, making the poem meaningful. The conventions are not widely ranged, but I think it is because they are used only where they are needed. With just few minor touch-ups, the poem will sound satisfying.
The organization suites the topic and the purpose very well. The structure definitely guides the reader through each process. Elements within each stanza are creatively arranged to promoted understanding. Each stanza, which is explaining each step, isn’t straight forward, but has many descriptive words. For example, I used the term “Sprinkling, watering”, instead of just plain words such as “watering the seeds”. Pacing is just right enough for the readers to follow. Transitions such as “When” is used appropriately, but there aren’t many transitions for the whole piece. Opening is fairly pleasant and satisfactory, attracting the readers quite well. Ending is calmer and effective to the whole process.
The poem is individual and appealing. You might want to share some parts aloud, such as some personifications. The poem is honest and passionate when it talks about the process about planting the seeds and watering them. Because I wrote a lot about the speaker taking care of the seeds, the result is that reader’s curiosity keeps them reading for the achievement. The voice may not be very confident, but the enthusiasm makes the readers feel engaged. The tone of the voice fits the purpose and the audience very well.
The writing is fairly clear and very original. The language perfectly suits my purpose, which is to convince the readers to love gardening. Phrasing tends to be lively, but because of the tone the poem has, they are not very exciting or attracting. Balance is fairly well done, with out too much exaggeration or simplicity. There aren’t many powerful verbs, but they are very descriptive. Instead of the powerful and attracting verbs, the personifications used to describe the seeds give a vivid imagery.
I think the verbs might sound a bit boring, but the imagery is very clear. It gives the readers a beautiful picture in their mind.
Christmas
A smile spreads across the child’s face
Children busy decorating the Christmas tree
Snowflakes fall to fill in empty spaces
Everyone seems to feel light and free
Children busy decorating the Christmas tree
Nobody noticed the little girl standing alone, her ragged clothes so old
Everyone seems to feel light and free
The girl is shaking, shivering in the cold
Nobody noticed the little girl standing alone, her ragged clothes so old
Fierce wind sweeps across the empty street
The girl is shaking, shivering in the cold
Her hands are frozen, just like her bare feet
Fierce wind sweeps across the empty street
A gentle voice and warm light appear
Her hands are frozen, just like her bare feet
The gentle hands hold her warmly, speaking loving words for her to hear
A gentle voice and warm light appear
Now she could see the colors and the light
The gentle hands hold her warmly, speaking loving words for her to hear
She is no longer lonely or poor, her happy tears are bright
Now she could see the colors and the light
Snowflakes fall to fill in empty spaces
She is no longer lonely or poor, her happy tears are bright
A smile spreads across the child’s face
Self Assessment
The poem “Christmas” has a creative idea about Christmas. The message it is trying to say is clear because of the audience of the poem. Main idea or the thesis is fairly easy to identify, and it gives a strong sense of direction that leads the readers though the situation. There are many details which explain the situation the speaker is having, and they are not too obvious or exaggerated. The result is satisfying, ending the poem with beautiful conclusion. The poverty seems to be gone at the end of the poem.
There are only a few range of conventions used in this poem. However, the poem doesn’t seem to need very wide rage because of its tone. Because of this, conventions are not the main things that bring out my voice, but the tone and the mood are the main things. There seems to be no mistake with the grammar. The poem may need some minor touch-ups that I cannot find, but it is quite satisfactory.
The organization pattern may not reveal the topic very clear with this poem. Because it was a villanelle, it was hard for me to keep the poem both well organized and following the pattern. However, the structure of the poem guides the reader fairly well thought the whole piece. The main idea is revealed by the poem’s tone. The elements of the poem are creatively arranged like a villanelle to promoted understanding. The pacing is appropriate, not slowing down nor speeding up suddenly. There aren’t many transition used in this poem, but the sentences flow quite smoothly with repeated pattern.
The writing is very original and appealing. I sometimes want to share it aloud, especially at the third stanza where the speaker is talking about the sad poverty. The poem is very honest and passionate. The readers feel pitiful about the poor and may really want to help. It gives them awareness of the poor, not just enjoying the Christmas without thinking about others. There is a clear voice asking for love and care. The special tone it has makes the reader feel really engaged. The voice which is asking for help suits the purpose and the audience very well.
The writing is clear because of the audience. However, it doesn’t sound very striking because of its tone. It was hard for me to make it attractive but still meaningful. The language perfectly suits my purpose and audience. Words may not be very lively, but the details are quite descriptive. The whole poem is neither exaggerated nor too simplistic. It has enough details to guide the readers along the poem. There are some powerful verbs such as “sweep across” instead of just “blow”. It gives the poem energy and clear image.
Overall, the poem is very original and passionate. It is meaningful and sites the purpose very well.
